20 year old me

Well, there are a bunch, of course.

But I try to think about them in a different way. I am one of those freaks who actually enjoys the painful growing process. [maybe Miss Ophelia shares this quality with me?]

Sometimes I am truly angry with my parents for leaving me so unprepared in some ways to make my independent way in the world. And sometimes… I know that this is the only way to learn.

So I guess I learn the lessons I’m ready for. When something comes to the forefront of my mind, and it irriates and grates at me till I can’t stand it anymore and I address the situation, and in the end learn from it… well, then, I assume that I was primed and ready for that particular lesson. I believe that when it goes like that, then I am learning in the best possible way because that’s when the lesson will stick with me.

*sigh!* but if only I could have avoided so many stretches of utter foolishness…

If you read any previous posts, you may have seen that I am writing a book about a significant time in my life when I was stationed in the Air Force on a remote Aleutian Island. In getting my head into that time so the memories will come back, I’ve re-read old journals, and letters that my mother saved (she saves them all – BLESS her heart!). Sadly, I find myself embarrassed of who I was then. Geez Louise, could there have been a sillier, more ridiculous girl ever? Oh my, was I a dingaling. My mother calls me “boy crazy” back then, and I am afraid to say that’s an understatement. Here I am, pushing 40, and my memories of that island are the landscape, the weather, the isolation, the pressure, the crazy antics we participated in to entertain ourselves and keep ourselves sane. What do my journals and letters say? Boys, boys, boys. Like I have no other thought in the world. If only there was a way to go back and do that year again with a bit of maturity…

…but then, that’s the point of my book. It was at that dreadful place that I learned a few life lessons. So, getting back to my original point. I think the way my life has gone so far is the way it was supposed to go.

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